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Things have changed for me :)

So I'm just going to say things have been going GREAT lately.

My weight loss total is 180 pounds now. FiF has a new member in our band (sup Alison?), and best of all... I've finally found someone. :)

I like her, and she likes me as well. In the past, it always seemed like when I liked someone, they didn't feel the same or at least didn't show it as much, or someone liked me and I didn't feel the same way... but this time, it's mutual, and it feels so amazing. I actually have the confidence to EXPRESS how much I like her now, something I never really did much in the past. And she's amazing, too. She's straight edge, she loves Disney movies, she loves videogames, she's very pretty, she likes good music, and she has such a similar type of humor to mine. The funny thing is? We originally bonded on a stupid social networking site (myyearbook) over Tails XD I can now say I'm even more happy about writing the song "Miles" than I was before :P

The only real obstacle is that she lives about 50 minutes away. But you know what? I'm totally willing to make this work.

"Will To Be Weird"

Despite the fact that it may seem like I wrote this because of the recent attacks I've gotten on Formspring, I actually had the concept for this song in my head for awhile...

The title/main chorus line is something that Jon said once in one of his responses to someone on Formspring calling him "weird", and it just stuck out as a cool phrase/possible song title to me, so walla.

Let me know what you thinka.




"Will To Be Weird"


Hiding behind a mask
Telling me I'm living it all wrong
Talkin' your smack, smoking your crack
Like a played out, boring pop song
I'll stay home and I'll watch Wall-E, while you're out at the stupid party
I'll go bust a move like Sonic, while you're just straight up killin' knowledge
The world "normal" is not in my vocabulary

You say me and my friends low life losers
'Cause we'd rather be young than be drug abusers
Yeah, I'm a 20 year old disaster,
And I still wanna be a Pokemon master

Tell me, where's your will?
Tell me, where's your will?
Tell me, where's your will to be weird?

Now it's Saturday night
And you're out playing beer pong, while I'm driving with my friends
Pranking McDonalds, asking "where's Ronald?",
This fun. song never ends
At least I'm not as sad as you.
Content with conforming, I'll stick to my youth
The word "normal" is not in my vocabulary

You say me and my friends low life losers
'Cause we'd rather be young than be drug abusers
Yeah, I'm a 20 year old disaster,
And I still wanna be a Pokemon master

Tell me, where's your will?
Tell me, where's your will?
Tell me, where's your will to be weird?

This song don't need no breakdown
This song don't need no breakdown
I have to say, I've actually been mostly satisfied with the way things have been going recently.

This weekend was nothing but great. I entered the doors of my old high school, Conwell Egan, twice: Thursday for the talent show, and Saturday for Spirit Night. Both were very fun, and everyone who we went to support for on those occasions did very well. It was also nice to see some faces and teachers I haven't seen in a long time (I got to talk to Mr. Firmonster for a minute!). Forever is Fleeting also played 2 shows, both of which went over VERY well. It felt good to have people dancing to our songs and other bands telling us they legitimately enjoyed us. Heck, a guy who had to be in his 50's at our Trenton show told us we had "great melodies", and said "if you get out there more, you could really go somewhere". Not bad for a "shitty band that gives people headaches", eh? =)

Lately I've been feeling this exciting, youthful energy that I haven't felt in a long time. Maybe it's the fact that my weight loss is still going great. I lost around 165 pounds total now, and I'm aiming for maybe another 20 by summer (I really need to start doing weights as well though, to get rid of all the unwanted flabbyness haha). Or, maybe it could be the fact that I've recently became obsessed with Pokemon again, and it feels like a little part of my childhood has been restored (and I love it). Whatever it is, it's really making me optimistic.

I feel like this summer is just going to be so much fun. It's weird, I think summer '10 is going to be what my summer '07 (my "graduating" year) SHOULD'VE been like... Only it's a bunch of my friends who are graduating, and not me. I gotta admit, looking back on things, I never quite had a "group" of friends up until last year or so. It was always kind of just... "hang out with these 2 people here", "hang out with this friend here", and "play some music with these people". Now things are very different, and I love it. It feels much more comfortable, and for the most part, it feels like we can ALL hang out together now and not have to feel like we're leaving anyone out or separating anyone. There's people who I'm already super close with, and there's also some people who I'd love to get closer to and get to know better. Hell, somehow my best friend of 7 years ended up in the same social circle, which just completes things for me. It just feels great to have some sort of a sense of belonging, and I just hope they all feel the same way.

So for all those times that I missed out on in the summer of '07; when I was stuck in summer school, couldn't drive, didn't have a job, had to select between certain circles of friends, was morbidly obese, and spent my time sulking around (well ok, I still do that)... I feel like it's all going to be made up this summer with this new family, and this newfound sense of adventure and energy.

Here's to hoping my optimism is right.

Always running out of time.

Wow, it's been a pretty eventful week, and it's been awhile since I last updated, so I figure it's about time to update the 'ol LJ.

I guess I'll rewind to Monday, which was the Jack's Mannequin/fun. concert at the Electric Factory in Philly. The show, overall, was AMAZING! I drove Shawn, Kelly, Jon, Noel, and Jeff to the show. Noel and Jon brought Subway sandwiches with them for the ride there, one of which was an Italian/Tuna sub, and was DELICIOUS! The ride there wasn't bad. Typical Philly rush hour traffic on I-95, but I remember the sunset was so beautiful that night, and it really gave me such a good feeling. On the way there, we had some fun talks and sung along to Jack's Mannequin.

We met Kiersten, Mike Murray, Alison, and her sister Brandy at the show. After standing outside waiting to get in, we scrambled inside and waited patiently for the show to begin. While we were waiting for the bands to begin, some douchey, spikey haired Jersey Shore rejects kept pushing Kelly and Alison, trying to get closer to the stage... and they wouldn't stop. I was really pissed off from the start, and it got the point where EVERYONE in our group was getting pissed off at them... even Mike if I recall haha. Eventually, after they kept pushing and pushing, Shawn turned around and FLIPPED SHIT on them. I think it really took them by suprise, and they sorta stopped... although I did hear them make a remark about "jumping this kid" (Shawn). I watched them closely for a few minutes after that, just waiting to swing if they tried to make a move towards him (I hate fighting, but I really would not have minded for these assholes). Me and Jeff were stuck behind them for all of Vedera, which really upset me to the point where I could barely enjoy their set... I thought we weren't going to be near any of our friends for the whole concert. But eventually they moved, and we were able to be a little closer to everyone. I did enjoy what I could of Vedera's set though... But I've yet to check out any of their recordings.

Then it came time for the band I was honestly most excited to see... FUN! It's been no secret that in the past year or so, I've become a super fan of Nate Ruess (lead singer of Fun.)'s old band, The Format. Their album "Dog Problems" really helped me look towards the bright side of things last year when I was having anxiety attacks and my deep depression was returning. Because of The Format, fun., his amazing lyrics, and the fact that his voice is absolutely incredible, Nate Ruess has pretty much become one of my biggest musical role models (that extremely high vocal part I do in the bridge of FiF's newest song "Miles"? Yeah, that's pretty much me wanting to be Nate haha). But the real question is... did fun. bring the... fun? =-P My god, yes they did. They sounded superb! I didn't hear one mistake or anything, and Nate was at the top of his game. They're all great musicians, and we even got to meet/hug 2 members of the band after the show (their drummer, whose name I don't know, and their acoustic guitarist/backup vocalist Emily Anne Moore, who I couldn't take my eyes off of for a pretty good part of fun's set 0=-D She's beautiful!). One funny thing that happened during fun's set was Shawn yelling out "SHE DOESN'T GET IT!" (which, for those who don't know, is a song by The Format, and one of my Top 3 favorite songs of all time). Nate gave a weird look, looked at the ground, and muttered something... which sounded like "nah dude"(Kiersten believes it was "not here"). We really weren't expecting them to play it, so it's something we can kinda just laugh about now haha.

Eventually it came time for the band most people were looking forward to, Jack's Mannequin! I honestly love this band, and I think Andrew McMahon is an incredible dude for everything he's been through. They played such a great set, mostly everything I wanted to hear... but I do wish they had played "Miss Delaney" and "American Love". They played a couple songs I wasn't familiar with, and also a U2 cover (which I feel like was the lowpoint of their set... definitely could've done without that imo), but there really was no unbearable moments in their set. They closed with "La La Lie", which is one of my favorites, and in the middle of the song, Andrew decided that he wanted to crowdsurf! Being that we were really close to the stage, I can now say I got to touch Andrew McMahon... TWICE! Pretty awesome haha. I was very pleased with Jack's =)

After the show, we hung around the venue for a little while. I bought a Jack's Mannequin tour shirt, and then we went outfront to talk to our buds Joe Freebird and Brian Ossip (from Nobody Yet), who weren't at the show, but stood outside handing out fliers. At some point while we were talking, a creepy homeless guy decided to walk over, and then he walked away. We then said something about how we told him "no" earlier on and that's why he kept walking, to which he then decided to come BACK over to us and stand in the middle of our circle... "NOW I KNOW YA'LL DIDN'T SAY NOTHIN' SMART OVER HERE" is what he said. Joe and Brian saved it pretty quick, saying "nah, we were just talking about the show". So here we are in a circle, with this homeless guy standing in the middle acting offended. Out of nowhere, he pulls out... not a knife... Not a gun... But a fucking CELLPHONE. It was the most random thing ever, and thankfully Joe just broke the awkwardness and said "well, nice show guys, see ya later!" and with that we left. Somehow, on the way back to my car, I lost the shirt I had purchased... $20 down the drain, and an awesome shirt. =( I was REALLY upset about it for the rest of the night, and even into the next day. Since my hours have been cut at work, I really don't have the room to be wasting money, and the fact that I wasted $20 on basically NOTHING really bummed me out. :|

After the show, me, Shawn, Kelly, Jon, Noel, and Jeff all went out to eat at the Great American Diner on Street Road. On the way there, we called Christopher Sarachilli on the phone and sang him happy birthday (happy birday Big Papa <3)! We had a pretty awesome waiter at the diner, he seemed really chill. I got a salad as usual, which was very yummy. We conversed about the show, and I know the topic of Formspring came up alot as well haha. Overall the show/night was one of the best nights I've had so far this year, and probably one of my favorite concerts of all time. <3

The next couple days were, for the most part, pretty uneventful. I focused on working out as much as I could... most days I burned about 2500 calories in one day (granted, that was usually done in 3 different trips to the gym). It's getting to the point where anytime I see somebody I haven't seen in 2 or 3 months gives me a comment about my weight. I still feel a little awkward, but I'm getting used to it, and it does make me feel good haha. I'm proud to say that right now my weight loss total is at about 140... I'm aiming to make it 170-180 by the summertime. I'm fitting into shirts and pants I haven't been able to fit in since 6th grade... and it feels damn good. =D

On Thursday night, I went to the midnight showing of the new Alice in Wonderland movie at Neshaminy Mall. Me and Shawn ALMOST didn't go, because being an idiot, I didn't even think to try and get tickets ahead of time... but Shawn saved the day and found a way to buy tickets online. Me and Shawn met up with Jeff, Kelly, Mike Madeja, Danielle, Serena, and Lisa at the theater. The movie itself was great, I really enjoyed it. I really love how Tim Burton always puts a unique, dark spin on his remakes of movies. I got pretty submerged in the storyline, which to me is usually a sign of a good movie.

After the movie, we all went out to eat at the Golden Eagle diner on Route 13 in Bristol. I really liked it there, and could definitely get used to going there more often. The food was good, and the people who worked there were pretty cool for putting up with a bunch of kids eating there at 3am haha.

Friday night was very... eventful, but I'm obviously not going to go into detail about it out of respect for the people who were involved. I am glad that I was there to help out for a serious matter when it was needed most though.

Last night (Saturday), I went to see Good Old War at the Mandell Theater at Drexel with Shawn, Alison, her sister, and her mom. We got there pretty early, so we ended up just kinda waiting around the theater for the doors to open. Keith Goodwin (the lead singer of Good Old War) was in the other room talking to someone, and Alison was freaking out about him ;-) haha. When the doors eventually opened, we made sure we got good seats... and oh boy we did. FRONT ROW! There were about 4 acts on before Good Old War, who were all on "Mad Dragon Records", which is Drexel's indie record label. 3 of them were acoustic acts, and one of them was a super indie band called The Swimmers. They were all really talented... But when it came time for Good Old War, everyone in the first 3 rows or so pretty much said "screw seats", and we all got right up to the stage.

Good Old War put on an AMAZING show. They have such a unique style, and I honestly dug every song they played. Their guitarist amazes me with what he can do. After the show, I got a Good Old War t-shirt (which I'm wearing while I type this), and me, Shawn, and Alison stood around awkwardly waiting to talk to Keith Goodwin. Eventually, we got to talk to him for about a minute, but it was worth it. He's a really cool and chill dude. The ride home was very relaxing, we listened to Radio 104.5 and talked about music most of the ride. I had a great time, and I wanna thank Alison and her family for inviting us :)

That brings us to today, where I'm writing this. Oh wait... there's something I left out, and it happened at work today. I'm only talking about... ONE OF THE MOST AWKWARD MOMENTS I'VE EVER HAD AT MY WORK. EVER.

At my work, when the line starts to get really long, the person on the main register calls a code on the speaker, and someone is expected to come up to the back-up register and start ringing people up. Well, I wasn't doing anything at the moment, so I figured "eh, what the heck?", so I hopped on the register. Once I got up to the register, I did notice 2 cute girls in line, and of course one of them caught me looking at them. I then said "this register is open, I can ring someone up over here". Of course, the first people to come over to the line is those 2 girls. Being me, I obviously started to get nervous as it was. She put the product down. It was, of all things... Vagisil. "Whatever you do, DON'T look at her weird or anything", I told myself. I scanned it, and said the total to her. She then said it... "Umm... it's not for me"... DUDE...




WHAT. THE. FUCK. DO. I. SAY. TO. THAT.???????????




Oh, I obviously say the dumbest thing that could pop into my head. "Oh, I know its not for you"... Great Jim, make it even weirder. No wait, her reply did that: "How do YOU know it's not for me?". After that, my face pretty much went bright red and I just chuckled and tried to avoid talking. I wanted to pretty much go hide in a rabbit hole. They both left, chuckling to themselves. Awesome! I love creeping people out! :|

So, that's pretty much what I've been up to in the past week or so. Life has been going pretty okay for me I guess. I've recently started some new mini hobbies, too. I've been starting to play my sister's Nintendo DS a little bit, and started replaying Super Mario 64DS (which is still one of my favorite games ever). My family now gets free HBO/Encore/Cinemax channels, so I've been starting to watch movies alot more frequently, which is very enjoyable. Also, Kelly got me into a Manga series book called "Negima" which I really really like. The storyline is so interesting and some of the stuff that happens is just so... awkward, and I totally love the humor. It feels really good to be reading again, even if it isn't like huge novels or w/e. Between all those things, I almost feel like... it's restoring a part of my youth that I've been missing for a few years now, and it feels nice.

I mean, you never want to feel too old... because we're always running out of time. =)

Gah, I don't even know.

I guess with Valentine's Day coming up, I've just been thinking alot. Of course this is going to be a stupid blog about loneliness, and it's probably going to come off as whiney and annoying, so feel free to stop reading now.

It's just amazingly sad how I'm 20 years old and there's 13-14 year olds who have been through more with the opposite sex than I have. I've been in one relationship in my whole life, which lasted about 3 weeks and nothing good really came out of it whatsoever, aside from the fact that I worked up the courage to actually ask the question. I've never even known what mutual love is like... only unrequited love.

Truth is, its hard for me to open up to people right away. There's always a barrier that has to be slowly broken down after time before I can really express myself, especially with girls. But even when that happens, I still have trouble. I get scared to make moves/flirt because I'm scared of rejection, or scared that I'll be creeping the person out. Meanwhile, if I notice someone flirting with me (which happens VERY rarely, I can assure you), I usually just freak out and don't know what to do.

You'd think that with losing all the weight I am, that would be helping the situation, and it actually is, although only slightly. My confidence and self esteem is SLOWLY getting better. Honestly, when I was at my original weight before I lost anything, the thought of a girl actually being interested in me was just such a farfetched concept that I didn't even bother worrying about it, although it still frustrated the shit out of me... Now, I definetly do think about it more, and the thought of acting on things isn't such a farfetched idea anymore.

Luckily, I haven't completely lost hope in myself. I do have faith that someday, hopefully soon, I'll be able to meet someone and not ruin everything with my awkwardness and fear of acting on things.

This is such an embarassing LiveJournal to post, and I apologize to anyone who read this. Blah

Jan. 24th, 2010

You know what I miss?


I miss when people could make plans and not have to worry about "whose currently mad at who?".

I miss when people weren't getting offended over who is hanging out with who.

I miss when people weren't arguing over maturity and age. Doing so really displays a lack of both.

I miss when people didn't over-react over some stupid, minuscule things that really should not even be taken seriously.

And most of all... I fucking miss LETTUCE!


I'm not usually one to post stuff like this, and everyone knows it... But this is all stuff that's been running through my head since Saturday night and into today. Seriously, I have no big problems with anyone right now, but can we cut the 5th grade bullshit a little bit?


Please?


PS: Yes, my phone is still broke. :|

I can disappear, anytime I want to.

I'll just say it right off the bat... the last 2 weeks have pretty much been terrible. So many bad things happened, and I just can't believe most of it.

Let's see... for starters, I got pulled over not once, not twice, but THREE times. The first time for having a brake light out, the second time for having an "illegible license plate", and the third for having a headlight out (I usually keep my high beams on, but someone was flashing their lights at me so I kept them off for a little while). Now, it wouldn't be so bad if the third cop hadn't given me a $135 ticket... Seriously now, $135 for a headlight? Just not fair :| I have to go to the court on Monday, and I'm kinda nervous, I've never had to deal with any of this stuff.

That just scratches the surface of it though. In the past couple weeks, my OCD and anxiety have been coming back to the forefront, yet again. Unfortunaterly I had a pretty bad anxiety attack last week when I was out with Jeff, Shawn, Jess, and Nicole in Barnes and Noble. I think I hid it pretty well, I kinda just vanished for a little bit and sat down and read a psychology book for a little bit (which made things worse in some ways). I hope I didn't bum anyone out that night.

There's also the fact that my work is cutting down my hours, which is going to mean less money for me. I only work 3 days a week as it is (which is a good 24 hours, and I'm happy with that), but for the next 2 weeks, I'm only scheduled for one day each week, and the week after that, I'm scheduled for 2 days. This is going to be extremely rough financially, especially with all the debts I have to pay off in the coming weeks... awesome. :-/

Here's the best of it though, and this just happened yesterday. Me, Shawn, and Jeff were driving to a town called Fords, New Jersey to see a free Motion City Soundtrack acoustic set and meet 'n greet at a record store. I was looking forward to it all week, considering I've been obsessed with Motion City Soundtrack recently. Their new album, My Dinosaur Life, is fantastic, and I've just been listening to all of their stuff non-stop. Justin Pierre is such a unique singer/lyricist, and honestly some of the stuff he writes is so depressing and honest that it makes me feel better about myself at times. Well anyways, it came the day of the show, and me Shawn and Jeff are on our way there. We found out our friend Mike Miller from North Farewell was at the show as well, which made us even more excited about it. We made a wrong turn at one point, but other than that, the drive there wasn't too bad... until it happened.

I see the sign for our exit: "Exit 10 towards Perth Amboy/Metuchen". I remember exlaiming something outloud, saying "there it is" or something of that sort, and not even 5 seconds later, I feel my car just... dragging, and then I start to hear loud noises going along with it, and smoke rising up. The only thing running through my head was "you've got to be fucking kidding me... not right now". I didn't care about my safety, I didn't care about my car, I just cared that I was going to miss one of my favorite bands, as fucked up as that sounds. It turned out my front right side tire had blown up. It didn't feel flat at all, and the whole ride there was very smooth up until that point. After we got out to see what happened, I think I just sat there motionless for a little bit. I didn't want to accept it. Why me? After all the other fucked up stuff that I'd been going through, why this? Why do I not get to attend the one thing I'd been looking forward to all week? Am I such a terrible person that I deserve this? I just kinda sat there for awhile, thinking these things over and over again while tears lightly rolled down.

After all the frustration, anger, and depression settled down a bit, we got things sorted out and had a tow truck take us to a Pep Boys nearby, where they put a new tire on my car. The tow truck ride was... interesting to say the least. We thought we were going to have to get out of the car, but the guy was just kinda like "do you guys wanna just chill in here"? So we stayed in my car, but we were riding ontop of a tow truck going 60 MPH on the turnpike. It was so fun, and it offered a little bit of relief. According to Jeff, "dude this is like Jurassic Park" (one of the best quotes of the night). After the new tire was put on my car, we decided for the hell of it we'd drive to the record store to see if by a slim chance of luck Motion City were still there. They weren't, of course, but at that point I kind of didn't expect them to be. The ride home on Route 1 was alot quicker and less painless than the ride there, to say the least.

Photobucket

Aside from all the stuff I bitched about above, there's a couple other things that have been present as well. There's been alot of drama going on amongst my friends, but I've been trying to stay out of it. I really wish everything could just work out and everyone would be happy, because I love every one of my friends.

I'll admit one thing, I'm doing a good job losing weight. All the compliments I get really do make me happy (even if I get shy or brush them off sometimes, I've been getting better at accepting them in a grateful way) and at times they can even brighten up my day. I'm just really hoping that with the confidence my weight loss brings me, I can get better with talking to people: whether it be girls I'm interested in, or just friends in general. I want to be a better friend to the people I'm already friends with, but I'd also love to start talking to new people as well. I'm just... really bad at carrying on conversations sometimes, and I always feel like I'm going to bother/offend someone. We'll see where this one goes with time.

And of course, at times I just have some crazy, depressing thoughts. Sometimes I wonder if I'm even significant. And sometimes, I wonder if I'll ever be the MOST significant to some one. But I know it's ok, because I'm not alone in these thoughts. After all, as Justin Pierre has said in the song "LGFUAD":

"I'm afraid I'm alone and entirely useless".


But finally, I don't want to leave this epic long entry on a negative note, so I'll post something I'm actually happy about. This past week I recorded a cover of the song "Moshi Moshi" by Brand New. I absolutely love this song, and with all the harmonizing in it I really wanted to give it a shot. Check it out on my acoustic MySpace: www.myspace.com/outsidebrowneyes and let me know what you think of it =)
Today (well, January 8th) was a pretty fun day.

In the afternoon I went to go see Youth in Revolt with Jeff and Shawn. I really loved it, and I'd highly recommend it. Then again, I love pretty much any Michael Cera movie, mainly because I can really relate to the awkwardness and sexual frustration (sadly) in his roles. One of the best parts during the movie though, was some black guy getting out of his seat towards the end and saying "THIS IS BULLSHIT" real loud and leaving the theater... we got a good laugh out of that.

After that, we went to the North Farewell reunion show at St. Paul's. We missed Faster Than Fate (I didn't really mind). We came in about 1/3rd of the way through Robots & Racecars' set. They were great, as usual, and they even played an older song (Heartless Bastard), which was amazing. None of us really cared for the next band that was on (The Front), so me, Jon, Shawn, Jeff, and Noel went out driving/took a trip to WaWa during their set. When we got back, we watched this band Paper Monsters who are from Tennessee. They were good, not necessarily the kind of thing I'd listen to a lot, but they were definitely talented and they seemed like good guys. Plus, it was nice seeing another bigger band dude for once (Cody, the lead singer). Then North Farewell came on, and as usual, played an amazing set. It's pretty sad that those dudes don't play as much as they used to, because they're all incredibly talented.

After the show, we kinda hung around St. Paul's for a little bit as usual. A lot of people gave me compliments on my weight loss tonight, which made me feel pretty good. Also: Mike Miller, the guitarist from North Farewell, invited our band to come to his wedding in June, which of course we're all looking forward to. We're all really happy for Mike, he's a great dude. We went to the GAD afterward as usual, and it was a great time. We had about 20 people with us, which was crazy, but it was totally worth it.

Overall, it was a very fun day. It is also worth noting that after I dropped people off on the ride home tonight, a song actually managed to bring a tear to my eyes for the first time in awhile. Maybe it's just because it was late, but for some reason, the song "Together We Will Ring In The New Year" by Motion City Soundtrack just really hit me tonight. Great song.




Tommorow, my band has a show in Chalfont PA. I'm really excited, because not only have we not played a show in like over a month, but this is a place that we've never played before... and hell, I don't even know if I've ever BEEN to Chalfont. I'm excited, especially with the new live intro we have worked out for it, I hope it goes over well.

What a year, what a fucking decade.

Geez, I don't even know where to begin with this entry. Usually, New Years is a big deal just because it's the end of a year... but this New Years is more than that, it's the end of a decade, and to me, it sort of signifies the end of an era.

I entered this decade as a naive 10 year old, spending most of my time staying inside playing videogames. I'm ending this decade as a 20 year old, who is still naive in many ways, but who has learned so much, and experienced pain, love, loss, confusion, and so much more. And although there is still so much I've yet to experience, I have a greater understanding of life in general, and definetly a better feeling of who I am.

As for this year, I accomplished a good amount of things. I got closer to some people, and also lost contact with many others. I met alot of new people. I played many shows with my band. I began driving to farther-away places, such as Center City Philly, Seaside Heights, King of Prussia, and even Hershey Park. I started taking voice lessons. I got back on my medication, and went to therapy again (although only briefly, for financial reasons). I quit drinking soda and quit eating fast food. I stayed 100% clean and straight edge. I finally had a girlfriend, and although it only lasted 2 weeks and was hardly even worth calling a "relationship", just knowing I was able to ask someone out gives me some comfort.

But, the accomplishment I'm most proud of by far is my weight loss. I'm proud to announce that this year, I was able to lose a total of 92 pounds, and about 55 of it was lost in the past 3 months (crazy, yes I know). I do feel different, and I'm proud of myself, but I'm not stopping there. I'm going to continue into the New Year, and my resolution will be for me to not lose track of my diet. I'm totally ready to not be held back by my weight anymore, and I'm ready for a new life in this next decade.


So I bid you farewell, 2009 and the Aughts in general. We had great times, terrible times, exciting times, scary times, and so much more that can't even be put into words.


Happy New Years everyone.

Top 10 Albums of The Decade

I got a little lazy with this and decided to skip writing descriptions for each album... but here it is, my top 10 favorite albums of the decade, in order. Complete with artwork and a live video with each =)



#10. blink-182: self-titled (2003)







#9. Good Charlotte- The Young & The Hopeless (2002)







#8. Green Day- American Idiot (2004)







#7. My Chemical Romance- The Black Parade (2006)







#6. Saves The Day- Stay What You Are (2001)







#5. Motion City Soundtrack- Commit This To Memory (2005)







#4. Panic At The Disco- Pretty.Odd. (2008)






#3. Fall Out Boy- Take This To Your Grave (2003)







#2. Jimmy Eat World- Bleed American (2001)







#1. The Format- Dog Problems (2006)